Black Book News: Interview with Jenny Garrett

Black Book News: Interview with Jenny Garret

Leadership lessons from........Care Bears?

Are you familiar with the Care Bears? It was a children’s cartoon which showed coloured bears with images on their furry tummies. The Care Bears' ultimate weapon was the " Care Bear Stare” in which the Bears stood together and beamed a ray of light from their tummy’. These combine to form a ray of love and good cheer which could bring care and joy into anyone’s heart.)


Well I was reminded of this when I recently attended the Association of Executive Coaching annual conference. Among the sessions that I attended was one called Connectivity in Coaching run by two blonde bombshells dressed in black called Sue and Penny from Connectiveness Ltd. Full of energy and stillness at the same time, they gave us a whistle stop tour of what they described as the new paradigm of leadership, which is organic, sustainable and concerned about social justice. Much has been written on this see Avery, Boyatsis and Western to name a few.

Follwoing this, they asked us to take off our shoes, so I took off my killer heels and began to enjoy the feel of the manmade fibres between my toes. Sue and Penny proceeded to get us breathing deeply, walking around, all to the backdrop of what sounded like the music of Native American Indians.

I know for some of you reading this, it probably sounds like a load of new age hippy nonsense and for others I am not doing the session justice with enough detail. However, for me what was important and impactful was that they asked us to breathe deeply, feel the ball of energy deep within us and then project it out, out through the room, out through England, out through the earth and through the universe. Our very own Care Bear stare! my words not theirs.

I found engaging in this exercise deeply moving. During the exercise my eyes were closed but when I opened them my eyes were moist. There was something re aligning about the activity, which highlighted for me a profound connection to others and everything. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by this connection, as I sometimes do, I felt accepting of it, which had a nurturing and energising rather than draining effect. They should start Parliament, or any major political talks, in fact all business meetings with this activity. There was something harmonising that can’t be explained and what’s interesting is that I feel that I can bring that feeling anytime that I want to.

This has helped me to start to think about a vision of promoting this harmony and acceptance that I am feeling. I believe that what we embody we can create. I felt like an outsider at the AoEC conference as I had not attended any of their programmes, but felt a real connection with all in the room by the end of the session without talking to or touching any of them.

Why am I sharing this with you? I suppose it’s the What If?

• What If you felt connected with what is immediately around you and beyond?
• What if you weren’t disconnected or desensitised to what is going on in the world?
• What if you could turn on your care bear stare, what would it mean for your behaviour and relationships?
• What if you felt this deep connection to the universe, how much more difference could you make?
• What if you brought this harmony to your workplace and to your approach to leadership?
  

I am personally trying to realise the What If, with small tentative steps. My first is that from now on each month I will be offering a complimentary forty five minute coaching session (via telephone or Skype) to the person who posts the most interesting, inspiring, reflective or thought provoking comments on this blog. I want to open up a two way dialogue with you, so that this blog will combine the thoughts of you and me to create something unexpected and special. My intention is to give something back, so there will be no obligation or underlying agenda of further coaching sessions being booked.

I really look forward to connecting with you.

Jenny



http://www.reflexion-uk.co.uk/

enabling illumiation through reflexion

Wordle.net Word Cloud of my latest blog

Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with your friends.

Above is a word cloud of my latest blog, what do you think?

To use wordle yourself, go to http://www.wordle.net/

Let me know how you get on.

Jenny

www.reflexion-uk.co.uk
enabling illumiation through reflexion

What is your relationship with Time?

Do you work in an office, counting down the hours minutes and seconds until the end of the day?
Are you self employed and wish you were busier?
Does time pass you by and you can’t even recall what you did five minutes ago?

I ask this question because I am trying to improve my relationship with Time. My mantra until recently was "there are not enough hours in the day", but there must be mustn't there? Is it about the number of hours or how I choose to use them?

Time and I started showing cracks in our relationship towards the end of July. We were going away for a three week holiday..what was I thinking, people who are running their own business and have a Masters dissertation to submit don't go away on three week jaunts.

Anyway, some might say foolishly, I decided to try and SQUEEZE my usual workload plus the work I would have done in the coming three weeks in before I went away.

You guessed it, Time wasn’t having it, he dug his heels in and after tantrums, tears, threats and drama he finally sabotaged my laptop (oh yes, paranoia had also set in by this point) I was fuming, frustrated and starting to step on the wrong side of Sanity Street.

"I wanted to have everything done so that I could have a wonderful relaxing holiday" I screeched, but by now Time was just giving me the silent treatment. Sent to Coventry (I must look up where that saying come from), I slowly began to realise that he was right, it was an impossible task. It was like trying to fit my size ten body into a pair of size six jeans, they couldn't give any more even if I resorted to firm hold pants.

So for the sake of our relationship, I let go of work and other pressures and I remembered what it was like to have a fabulous relationship with Time. While on holiday, we woke, up, ate and slept as and when we wanted to, bliss. Did I use him wisely? Probably not, but it’s OK to be frivolous sometimes isn't it?

I did have a slight relapse when we got back, panic stricken ten hour days in the library trying to craft my dissertation fleetingly pass through my mind, but Time understood that this was only temporary.

I thought that I would be my own worst enemy when it came to sustaining my relationship with Time, but it was others that didn’t appreciate it. Clients frowned disapprovingly when I said that I was going home at 2pm instead of scheduling in further appointments. Colleagues appeared disappointed at what they perceived as a lack of ambition when I decided not to join meetings that started at 6.30pm.
"Don’t they want our relationship to work?" I asked time. "Perhaps they are just jealous" he replied.

I had thought that the issue was my relationship with time, but it was bigger than that, having a relationship with Time is definitely not the norm. It seems that society values: busyness, full days of doing and striving to do more with less. All the things that I was trying to get away from.

Don’t get me wrong, a relationship with Time needs nurturing like any other, it’s not all velvet petaled red roses, good red wine and delightful milk chocolates with strawberry centres you know.

Julia Cameron in the Artists Way recommends weekly dates with yourself as a way of nurturing your relationship with Time. This could be as simple as visiting a coffee shop and spending twenty minutes with you and Time staring into each other’s eyes to a full blown date at the theatre or an art gallery perhaps. It can just be waking up thirty minutes earlier so that you and Time can sit peacefully together on the sofa.

Time and I are working on it, it’s easy to fall into old habits or succumb to the habits that others want you to keep, but I realise that by nurturing my relationship with Time; ideas, creativity, fun, laughter and peace will come.

So I'd say that it’s worth the work. Do you think you'll try it? I am willing to share him if you want to give it a try.


www.reflexion-uk.co.uk
Enabling illumination through reflexion

The youth of today

Just a note to say that I am amazed at the resourcefulness of young people.
I was asked to provide an opening workshop to a group of student governors about 2 weeks ago now and I wasn't sure what I would encounter.
I was postively surprised to find a group of around fifty 18-20 year olds who were inspiring role models to others, who wanted to put themselves out and were ambitious for their futures.
The political spin in the media would have us all believe that young people are just interested in hurting themselves and others, that groups of young people should be seen as threatening and that inner city youth is past caring about.
I am delighted to say that my opinion differs, there is a body
(probably the majority) of young people who provide me with a bright image of the future, I just hope that they are supported to find their way through to it.
As we get older unless we have children this age, it becomes easy to see them as "the other" so different to ourselves, this is a mistake... take an opportunity to connect with a young person today, you'll be surprised, perhaps inspired, defintely challenged and ultimately I believe you will come away feeling better about the world.

Jenny

enabling illumiation through reflexion
www.reflexion-uk.co.uk

Is this the lonelinest of planets

A couple of days ago I planned to make my way into London to meet a coaching client, as I sat on the train my client called requesting that we reschedule for later that day. I agreed and ended up in a coffee shop come bookstore to kill time. I had lots to do - emails to respond to, reports to write, diary to organise and preparation and reflection on my coaching practice.

As I beavered away I felt someones presence behind me, someone pacing back and forward. It was distracting and a bit off putting, their proximity to me was just close enough to break into my consciousness. I wondered what this person was doing? Why had they decided to pace behind me? I mused that they were waiting anxiously for someone and looking out of the window that was behind me to see if they were on their way.

I am not sure what time elapsed but the next thing I knew, he was speaking to me......"what are you studying?" he asked. The man I saw leaning down to talk to me was probably in his late 30's , he looked gaunt and tired, he had no luggage, just himself, he was clean shaven and seemed clean but disheveled, his jumper was creased, my thoughts were that he was nervous.

I explained that I was not studying, but that I was however scanning a book for an inspirational quote for a client whose last coaching session was also taking place that day. He asked me a lot of questions about what coaching was and how someone would enter the profession, which I dutifully responded to.


I asked what brought him to the book shop...."I am looking for answers, I don't know how to get on here", he said, "I don't know what route to take"

We explored what he liked to do and what he had done before and I gave him some suggestions as to where to start his search for a job and career direction and then I said that needed to get back to work. I don't know how long I spent talking to him, I am guessing 20 minutes, but it may have been just 5, time has a was of tricking me like that.

This man was clearly lost and seeking direction, I felt his loneliness and despair - seeking answers from a stranger in a bookshop. I sensed his projections, he wanted me to hold his hand and guide him, but I have long ago realised that there is only so much I can do. This projections reminded me of a trip I took to Amsterdam years ago, seeing a prostitute in a window for the first time, looking so pretty and so normal, I wanted to rescue her, I wanted to take her home to live with me, I felt that need during the whole weekend trip to do so. Realistically this wouldn't have helped anyone and may have been more about me than them!

But yet, I felt his loneliness as real, I absorbed it like a sponge- I knew that he had nowhere to turn. He went to sit at the back of the bookshop, I still felt his presence and when he left I was talking on my phone, but knew he was gone.

Should I have done more?

Could I have done more?

Do we hide behind the media's message finding excuses not to reach out to each other, strangers may be crazy, on drugs or have less than honourable intentions ?

If everyone this man meets takes 10 minutes to talk to him, guide him, support him, what might happen?

Could you do it, or will you be too busy cocooned in your safe and comfortable world?

What sort of people are we, that revel in our smugness, with the LUXURY of family, friends, work colleagues, coaches, therapist and counsellors. Imagine if there was NO-ONE - no phone calls, no emails, no letters(not even junk mail) Flippantly you may say "that would be a relief", but think deeply....how would you feel...empty? unloved? unvalued?

Perhaps these words from Woodman and Mellick(1998) will resonate......

"Our souls cry out

from underneath the rubble of our lives,

like children who have not known love,

children begging us to day

You are not alone

I love you

So is this the loneliest planet? Well I hope that no where else could be more cruel. I count my blessings, I don't imagine that it is more than luck that I am where I am today and recognise the fragility of my life position.

So if you see me lost one day - will you give me 10 minutes of your time to confirm that I exist again?

Jenny

www.reflexion-uk.co.uk
enabling illumination through reflexion

Celebrating Darkness

The American author Ursula LeGuin said in a speech given years ago

“women grow things in darkness, not in light. It is darkness – with its secrets, earthiness, and joys, with its pains, losses, and despair- that we celebrate”

I found this sentence intriguing and would like to share with you what this means for me and perhaps you may find some resonance in it also?

There are obvious links with birth, the womb, growing life within yourself, but I also think that this sentence holds equal insight for men and women.

For me it is much more about understanding the real source of your strength whoever you are.
My interpretation of what Ursula said is that a woman who takes the time to grow herself in darkness becomes familiar perhaps for the first time with the real source of her strength.

In psychology they talk of the locus of evaluation – the aim through helping professions is often to move someones locus of evaluation from outside in, in other words to stop focussing on what others think of you and start to be concerned of what you think of yourself ! This is often not an easy process.

Instead of feeling dependency for attributes say from a strong mother, or a nurturing friend, or organised father, a spontaneous lover – or the should's, would, coulds from her inner voices or demons she can seek her own strength from within.

I find this sentence emancipatory, it opens opportunities for a love affair with herself, an inner marriage if you like, not in a narcissistic way, where she is in love with her own self image or hubris but rather a feeling of self worth, that of equal, not better than others or secondary to others. For those familiar with the work of Eric Byrne, it is the I'm OK, You're OK position!

This sentence resonates with me I think because I am at a time in my life where I want and need to celebrate the darkness, I have had times, where all thoughts and feelings were out there, my book was open...and there were some good things about this, to converse with others, to bat around ideas, to create something new is a wonderful experience.

I feel that now I often find myself surrounded by those who would wish me to share every thought, feeling, intention and think me strange not to always want to grow myself in the light.

For some of you reading, you may ask doesn’t current thinking encourage us to be open about our thoughts and feelings, yes it does, but I would advocate that there is no need to expose yourself before you are ready?

Readiness is not about being sure, but being robust enough, to be able to be objective enough to consider others feedback without it having the power to make or break who you are!

Consider thoughts, feelings, ideas that you are growing in darkness, are they ready to be brought into the light? If not continue to nurture them in the private place within yourself , not with shame but with happiness. An indulgent place in which can revel in creativity and appreciation of your self. I know that I will.

Jenny Garrett
jenny@reflexion-uk.co.uk
Enabling illumination through reflexion