Celebrating Darkness

The American author Ursula LeGuin said in a speech given years ago

“women grow things in darkness, not in light. It is darkness – with its secrets, earthiness, and joys, with its pains, losses, and despair- that we celebrate”

I found this sentence intriguing and would like to share with you what this means for me and perhaps you may find some resonance in it also?

There are obvious links with birth, the womb, growing life within yourself, but I also think that this sentence holds equal insight for men and women.

For me it is much more about understanding the real source of your strength whoever you are.
My interpretation of what Ursula said is that a woman who takes the time to grow herself in darkness becomes familiar perhaps for the first time with the real source of her strength.

In psychology they talk of the locus of evaluation – the aim through helping professions is often to move someones locus of evaluation from outside in, in other words to stop focussing on what others think of you and start to be concerned of what you think of yourself ! This is often not an easy process.

Instead of feeling dependency for attributes say from a strong mother, or a nurturing friend, or organised father, a spontaneous lover – or the should's, would, coulds from her inner voices or demons she can seek her own strength from within.

I find this sentence emancipatory, it opens opportunities for a love affair with herself, an inner marriage if you like, not in a narcissistic way, where she is in love with her own self image or hubris but rather a feeling of self worth, that of equal, not better than others or secondary to others. For those familiar with the work of Eric Byrne, it is the I'm OK, You're OK position!

This sentence resonates with me I think because I am at a time in my life where I want and need to celebrate the darkness, I have had times, where all thoughts and feelings were out there, my book was open...and there were some good things about this, to converse with others, to bat around ideas, to create something new is a wonderful experience.

I feel that now I often find myself surrounded by those who would wish me to share every thought, feeling, intention and think me strange not to always want to grow myself in the light.

For some of you reading, you may ask doesn’t current thinking encourage us to be open about our thoughts and feelings, yes it does, but I would advocate that there is no need to expose yourself before you are ready?

Readiness is not about being sure, but being robust enough, to be able to be objective enough to consider others feedback without it having the power to make or break who you are!

Consider thoughts, feelings, ideas that you are growing in darkness, are they ready to be brought into the light? If not continue to nurture them in the private place within yourself , not with shame but with happiness. An indulgent place in which can revel in creativity and appreciation of your self. I know that I will.

Jenny Garrett
jenny@reflexion-uk.co.uk
Enabling illumination through reflexion