Is this the lonelinest of planets

A couple of days ago I planned to make my way into London to meet a coaching client, as I sat on the train my client called requesting that we reschedule for later that day. I agreed and ended up in a coffee shop come bookstore to kill time. I had lots to do - emails to respond to, reports to write, diary to organise and preparation and reflection on my coaching practice.

As I beavered away I felt someones presence behind me, someone pacing back and forward. It was distracting and a bit off putting, their proximity to me was just close enough to break into my consciousness. I wondered what this person was doing? Why had they decided to pace behind me? I mused that they were waiting anxiously for someone and looking out of the window that was behind me to see if they were on their way.

I am not sure what time elapsed but the next thing I knew, he was speaking to me......"what are you studying?" he asked. The man I saw leaning down to talk to me was probably in his late 30's , he looked gaunt and tired, he had no luggage, just himself, he was clean shaven and seemed clean but disheveled, his jumper was creased, my thoughts were that he was nervous.

I explained that I was not studying, but that I was however scanning a book for an inspirational quote for a client whose last coaching session was also taking place that day. He asked me a lot of questions about what coaching was and how someone would enter the profession, which I dutifully responded to.


I asked what brought him to the book shop...."I am looking for answers, I don't know how to get on here", he said, "I don't know what route to take"

We explored what he liked to do and what he had done before and I gave him some suggestions as to where to start his search for a job and career direction and then I said that needed to get back to work. I don't know how long I spent talking to him, I am guessing 20 minutes, but it may have been just 5, time has a was of tricking me like that.

This man was clearly lost and seeking direction, I felt his loneliness and despair - seeking answers from a stranger in a bookshop. I sensed his projections, he wanted me to hold his hand and guide him, but I have long ago realised that there is only so much I can do. This projections reminded me of a trip I took to Amsterdam years ago, seeing a prostitute in a window for the first time, looking so pretty and so normal, I wanted to rescue her, I wanted to take her home to live with me, I felt that need during the whole weekend trip to do so. Realistically this wouldn't have helped anyone and may have been more about me than them!

But yet, I felt his loneliness as real, I absorbed it like a sponge- I knew that he had nowhere to turn. He went to sit at the back of the bookshop, I still felt his presence and when he left I was talking on my phone, but knew he was gone.

Should I have done more?

Could I have done more?

Do we hide behind the media's message finding excuses not to reach out to each other, strangers may be crazy, on drugs or have less than honourable intentions ?

If everyone this man meets takes 10 minutes to talk to him, guide him, support him, what might happen?

Could you do it, or will you be too busy cocooned in your safe and comfortable world?

What sort of people are we, that revel in our smugness, with the LUXURY of family, friends, work colleagues, coaches, therapist and counsellors. Imagine if there was NO-ONE - no phone calls, no emails, no letters(not even junk mail) Flippantly you may say "that would be a relief", but think deeply....how would you feel...empty? unloved? unvalued?

Perhaps these words from Woodman and Mellick(1998) will resonate......

"Our souls cry out

from underneath the rubble of our lives,

like children who have not known love,

children begging us to day

You are not alone

I love you

So is this the loneliest planet? Well I hope that no where else could be more cruel. I count my blessings, I don't imagine that it is more than luck that I am where I am today and recognise the fragility of my life position.

So if you see me lost one day - will you give me 10 minutes of your time to confirm that I exist again?

Jenny

www.reflexion-uk.co.uk
enabling illumination through reflexion