How many roles do you have?

Through my work and study sometimes I have to stay away from home, my feelings about this are a mixture of relief - looking forward to a break and guilt - being away from my daughter and husband.



After 4 days away recently, my daughter jumped into my arms and was very emotional, when I asked what was wrong, she said that she had missed me soooo much. She proceeded to cling to me all evening and then fall asleep in my arms. I of course felt like the worst mother ever and questioned whether I should have spent time away.



The next day I had agreed to see some girlfriends that I hadn't seen for months, but my excitement at the thought of seeing them was tinged with the guilt of leaving my husband again "holding the baby" while I went out to enjoy myself.



I DID go out and visit my friends and told them how I was feeling like a bad mother and a terrible wife and one of them said " you may be those things, but at least you're a good friend"



This comment cheered me up because I knew it was genuine and heartfelt, it led me to consider the many roles I play and whether I can give myself permission to not always be perfect at them? Weighing up the roles, I thought about how good I was at the roles was dependent on the magnitude of the situation, e.g:



Am I better daughter when my mother is going through a crisis, or is a better to be constant and call her everyday?



Am I perfect wife if I always keep the house perfectly tidy and have dinner on the table, or am able to be supportive when my husband is having a tough time at work?



Am I the best mother if I am self sacrificing and give up the work or study that I enjoy in service of motherhood, or continue to develop and grow?



You, like myself will have many more roles and have to continually decide which ones to prioritorise



Sister

Auntie

Colleague

Lover

Friend

Confidant

Spirit lifter

Sounding Board

Niece

Grandmother

Teacher

Supporter



I think the danger is when we think to start to think about balance, that it is not as simple as that, all roles are not equal and are prioritorised according to the situation. Ultimately the consequences of neglecting one of your roles for a long period is that it may disappear.



Some roles you may perform may not be helpful to either party - such as encouraging someone to be dependent on you?

Why don't you map out your roles, which roles are you spending a lot of time in, is it the right one, who is it serving?

Let me know how you get on

Wishing you clarity through reflection

Jenny

www.reflexion-uk.co.uk